Hello! Welcome to this, the debut of my new column called "What the fuck is that?"

You see: number 1, I may not be a lady yet technically I'm still not a gay man. And although I have spent a good amount of time around you all, I'm not gonna pretend I know everything. I pray to always be a student of life. Number 2, remember how someone said to you a long time ago "there is no such thing as a stupid question?" They were right! Don't be afraid. I selflessly volunteer myself to be the one asking the "stupid" questions.

What is fisting, felching and skull fucking? What is j_lube? Yes, we all know, but maybe somebody out there doesn't. Maybe you don't have sex. Maybe you live in Connecticut. Maybe you're dyslexic. Maybe you ARE a gay man and think you should know by now and don't, but it's like being friends w/ someone so long it's too late to admit you forgot their name. That's weird, right? You need a friend to step in at those moments to say, "Hi MYYYYY name is _________. What's YOUR name?" W/in your earshot. Presto problem solved.

I'm that friend. So, in honor of the first issue of scumbag fagrag, the issue celebrating the power bottom, I trolled the gay/lsb/bi/trans center place, you know the one, and cornered a complete gay stranger, an older Chinese gentleman, and I was right: not only was he a bottom; he was a POWER bottom. I asked politely if he would stop for a few questions, and he very sweetly obliged.

The following is a smattering of what I could make out through his thick, thick accent: "A power bottom takes a typically passive sexual role and makes it a dominant one."

"Everybody thinks if you're the bottom you're 'the girl' you're 'weaker'. Wrong! Anybody can stick their dick into somebody; it takes a stronger man to take it in the ass. You have to have a higher threshold for pain." (At this I interjected, "Or at least be able to really relax.")

"I love the passive-aggressiveness of it. I make the person feel like they are in charge, when the truth is, I'm running the show! (laughter) Being a power bottom really only comes into play when they have a big dick, 'cuz you're gonna want to control that. If it's a small dick, I just let them go wherever they want; it doesn't matter."

"Why is it only guys with the smallest dicks ask if they're hurting me? 1. Of COURSE, they wanna hear YES, but 2. If they really were hurting me, wouldn't I stop them?" (I totally knew what he meant here, and we laughed together for a log while.)

I felt like I had a new friend, and I asked him, in parting, if he was proud to call himself a power bottom, but he told me to go fuck myself; he hated being labelled. And as he picked up his bags of groceries and fresh fish and started to shuffle off down the street, his last words to me were, "But if you're gonna be a bottom, be a POWER BOTTOM."

Now Nomi is waiting to see you, and she's got a question...

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